7 most brutal reviews of Russell Brand's Christian self-help book: ‘Offence against God'

Russell Brand has come under fire once again, this time for publishing a Christian self-help book that teaches readers to become religious in seven days. The memoir – aptly titled How to Become a Christian in Seven Days – comes with the addendum: “May take 50 years of sin and serious f***-ups to get started”.

Praised as a “New York Times bestselling author” for his 2007 memoir My Booky Wook, the bio for the new release promises: “With his customary, almost shocking frankness, Brand describes his apostasy from ‘demonic Hollywood’ and radical conversion to Christianity against a backdrop of false allegations, his son’s heart surgery, and truly jaw-dropping spiritual warfare.”

Of course, the release comes with the shadow of rape allegations looming over the comedian, who has pleaded not guilty to seven charges against him. He will face a two-month trial in October 2026, at Southwark Crown Court, and denies all allegations.

Brand has been dealt further blows as the reviews started to come in for his new release. The Telegraph gave it zero out of five stars, branding it an “offence against God”.

The i’s Emily Bootle rubbished the release as “a solipsistic ramble filled with crackpot conspiracy theories” that “made [her] feel sick”.

We’ve rounded up some of the most brutal reviews for Brand’s new book to save you time – and money – picking up a copy yourself.

‘Offence against God’

Writing for The Telegraph, Christopher Howse branded the book “like being locked in an empty pub all night with a garrulous drunk – except that Brand is now sober”.

The critic added: “It is criminally painful to read and it is not a victimless crime.” He also took a brutal swipe at Brand’s appearance, writing: “He has never looked very nice. His head is like a Lego version of Michael Jackson’s, but the big problem occurs lower down, where his necklaces become tangled with his chest hair, which appears to be dressed with olive oil. Oddly, he thinks his appearance attractive.

‘I object to being spiritually preached at by a man who still has not learned how to button up his shirt’

Writing for The i, Emily Bootle fumed that the book “uses rambling biblical metaphors and Christian ideology as a vessel for unfinished Notes-app thoughts, crackpot conspiracy theories and mainly for talking about himself”.

She added: “[Despite] my fundamental objection to being spiritually preached at by a man who still has not learned how to button up his shirt, the greatest difficulty I had with this book was simply hacking through the turgid prose.”

‘Good for atheism’

Red Right Hand singer Nick Cave was asked about his opinions on Brand’s book on his Red Hand Files forum, in which fans can quiz the musician about anything.

When one fan asked: “What do you think of Russell Brand’s new book How to Become a Christian in Seven Days?”, Cave – a Christian himself – simply penned: “Good for atheism.”

‘Like witnessing an exorcism’

The New Statesman’s Pippa Bailey compared reading Brand’s “unreadable” book to watching something out of horror films like The Amityville Horror or Hereditary.

She wrote: “[Flies] make me think of an exorcism. Reading this book, I at times felt like I was witnessing one.”

Of the comedian’s “verbose” writing style, she said: “feels almost deliberately obfuscatory. He writes as though he might batter you into submission with the sheer weight of his syllables; as though he might drown you in the rapids of his thought.”

The review went on: “There is good reason no mainstream publisher would touch this book.”

’Embarrassing’

The book currently has a one out of five star average rating on Amazon, with one reviewer writing in their one-sentence review: “A self-flagellating embarrassing book”.

‘Spray-on Christian’

Kathleen Stock, writing for UnHerd, slammed Brand as a “spray-on Christian”, adding that he “still worships himself”.

Stock’s review said: “It’s the biggest stroke of luck atheism has had in a while. […] I can’t think the book will sell many copies.

“The crunchy hippies and anarchists still in his audience, carried over from lockdown, will presumably remain unmoved; while the newer MAGA lot don’t need lessons on the Bible from a louche foreigner dressed in leopard print. It is impossible to imagine anyone being persuaded to attend church for the first time after reading this book.”

‘Unbelievable slog’

The Times’ John Maier cited Brand’s inability to find an appropriate Bible verse on Piers Morgan’s Uncensored show as a reason to doubt his “conversion”, and branded the memoir an “unbelievable slog to get through despite being short”.

He added: “Brand has swallowed a dictionary, and it is not coming out again via his mouth. […] He certainly exhibits a strangely split personality within this book, its horribly uneven tone veering between the spiritually overwrought and his familiar old prurient style — making jokes about c***s and gleefully insinuating that Justin Trudeau (the former Canadian prime minister and present boyfriend of Brand’s ex-wife Katy Perry) might be homosexual.”