Why nobody should make list of New Year's resolutions – what you should do instead

Scroll through social media in early January and you’ll find the annual parade of earnest, egotistical and often unintentionally comic resolutions. There are vows to wake up at 5am, run marathons on minimal training, work more, travel more, buy colour-coded planners, quit coffee, quit sugar, quit naps, quit fun altogether.

The ritual is familiar. Do more. Be better. Push harder. Self-improvement is framed as a moral obligation, while calm, contentment and self-acceptance are quietly dismissed as signs of failure. This isn’t motivation. Its pressure dressed up as virtue.

But contentment may be the greatest achievement of all. And it isn’t reached through relentless pressure and change, but through realistic expectations and a genuine appreciation for real-life connection and what we already achieve every day.

So let’s make 2026 the year you give yourself a break. Not by lowering your standards or abandoning ambition, but by paying more attention to your own life and accomplishments, and a little less attention to what everyone else online claims to have done.

In the online world’s constant kaleidoscope of competitive comparison, it’s easy to fixate on the infinite ways your life could be different, shinier or “better.” Social media feeds are filled with highlight reels of perfect bodies, exotic holidays, six-figure careers and fast-money projects.

But how realistic are these images, and who are they really for? What makes a good life for you is not the same as what makes a good life for me, or what simply makes for a good photo opportunity.

This pressure is more than anecdotal. Studies show that heavy social media use draws young people deeper into cycles of status-seeking and comparison rooted in appearance, perceived achievement and material success. And at this time of year, the online comparison mill turns harder than ever.

The Belonging Forum’s most recent Belonging Barometer study shows that some groups of young adults (often those who use social media most) report lower life satisfaction. Nearly half of women aged 18–24 say they feel lonely often or some of the time, well above the general population rate.

Behind the statistics is a simple truth: comparison corrodes wellbeing. Pew Research found last year that almost half of teenagers now believe social media has a mostly negative effect on people their age (up sharply from 32% in 2022), while a UCL study suggests that adults who frequently post online are at greater risk of mental health problems than those who use platforms more passively.

This isn’t simply about being alone. It’s about belonging. It reflects a deeper disconnect between who we feel pressured to be and who we actually are.

While social media can help us connect, it also amplifies a sense of never being enough. It highlights not just the lives we might want, but the countless connections we haven’t made and often don’t need.

The constant online noise makes it harder to focus on what is already before us, and easier to miss the quiet, meaningful ways life is going well, often in ways that don’t photograph neatly or lend themselves to metrics. Showing up for someone who needs you. Getting through a difficult day. Choosing rest when everything around you says push for more.

These moments rarely trend, but they matter deeply. Real-life connection matter more than anything. Research and lived experience alike tell us that relentless self-criticism is a poor motivator. So do the opposite.

Make a New Year’s achievement list, not a resolution list. Write down what you’ve learned, what you’ve been through, and what you quietly sustain every day. Include the things that never make it online: resilience, care, persistence, showing up.

Be kind to yourself this New Year. It may be the most meaningful resolution you ever keep.