Oh dear! Worst Christmas cracker jokes of all time REVEALED - festive poll
A RECENT poll of 2000 people has revealed the worst Christmas cracker jokes of all time - with a truly cringe-worthy pun declared the ‘winner’.
The poll, conducted by Currys PC World after they teamed up with comedian Gary Delaney, revealed the worst Christmas cracker joke to be: “Who hides in a bakery at Christmas? A mince spy!” The tech chain teamed up with the comedian as part of their ‘Magic of Christmas campaign’ to upgrade some of nations worst Christmas cracker jokes. Delaney said: “We all know that traditional Christmas cracker jokes are weaker than your Nan’s Wi-Fi password. “As Currys PC World is upgrading this year, I’ve been pulled to help change all that. I’m hoping my joke upgrades will have Brits cracking up across the country Christmas Day.”
One in five Brits admitted, regardless of how bad cracker jokes are, they laugh out of politeness when they hear a cracker pun.
Some of the most popular cracker gifts were thought to be the mini-torch, puzzle and familiar flipping frog.
With the poll concluding Brits will pull four crackers each this Christmas and a fifth of us being lucky enough to get a gift inside, what are the top 50 cringeworthy jokes we can look forward to?
See below for a list of the worst Christmas jokes:
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck? A Christmas quacker.
What’s a horses favourite TV show? Neigh-bors
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick
Why do birds fly south in the winter? It’s too far to walk
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsillitis
What did Cindarella say when her photos didn’t arrive? “One day my prints will come!”
Did Rudolph go to school? No, he was elf-taught
What lies at the bottom of the sea shivering? A nervous wreck
Who is Santa’s favourite singer? Elfis Presley
What did Adam say the day before Christmas ? It’s Christmas, Eve.
How many letters are in the alphabet at Christmas? 25 - there’s no-el
Why are christmas trees so bad at knitting? Because they always drop their needles
What did the farmer get for Christmas? A cowculator
Why did nobody bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? They were two deer
What did one snowman say to the other snowman? “Can you smell carrots? A?
Why can’t a bike stand up by itself? It’s two-tyred
What school subject are snakes best at? Hisssstory
What do you get if you lie under a cow? A pat on the head
How did Mary and Joseph figure out baby Jesus was exactly 7lb 9oz? They had a weight in a manger
Which side of a turkey has the most feathers? The outside
What carol do they sing in the desert? O Camel Ye Faithful
What time is it when an elephant sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence
What do you sing a snowman’s birthday party? Freeze a jolly good fellow
What happened to Santa when he went speed dating? He pulled a cracker
Who’s Rudolph’s favourite singer? Beyon-sleigh
Who delivers presents to baby sharks at Christmas? Santa Jaws
What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper
What’s the most popular Christmas wine? “I don’t like sprouts!’
What does a frog do if his car breaks down? He has it toad
Why does your nose get tired in winter? It runs all day
Everton players tell Christmas jokes!
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frosbite
What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut? A barber-queue
What kind of music do elves listen to? Wrap
What kind of motorcycle does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson
Why was the turkey in a band? He was the only one with drumsticks
What do reindeer put on their Christmas trees? Hornaments
What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar? He got 25 days
What does Santa do when his elves misbehave? He gives them the sack
What happened when Santa got stuck in a chimney? He felt Claus-trophobic
What has four wheels and flies? A bin lorry
How do snowmen get around? By riding an icicle
How did Scrooge win the football match? The ghost of Christmas passed
Why id it getting so hard to buy advent calendars? Their days are numbered
Why was Cinderella no good at football? Because her coach was a pumpkin
How does darth Vader like his christmas turkey? On the dark side
What do snowmen wear on their heads? Ice caps
When do vampires like horse racing? When it’s neck and neck
How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he’s visited? He keeps a logbook
What does a football team do when the pitch is flooded? Bring on the subs