Queen: Brian May on struggles with 'paralysing perception' he's not good enough at guitar
QUEEN and Adam Lambert star Brian May has opened up on his struggles with thinking he's not good enough at the guitar, anger at himself and difficulty enjoying the tour.
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Queen and Adam Lambert are now halfway through the Japan dates on the Asian leg of their Rhapsody tour. The iconic collaboration play Osaka’s Kyosera Dome this evening and guitarist Brian May has been chronicling their adventures on his Instagram. In a new post, the 72-year-old has admitted to struggling with thinking he’s not good enough to play guitar and having to convince himself that nobody can do what he can.
May wrote: “Am I over-IG’ing ?? Probably.
“It’s probably an after-effect from that epiphany I experienced on Stage in Tokyo Second Night.
“Driven by anger at myself (only) for allowing myself to skip into a paralysing perception that I was NOT GOOD ENOUGH, I somehow broke into a state of being on stage in which every note felt like an assertion that this [is] what I could do - me myself - and NOBODY else could do.
“I don’t know if the conviction will last - but so far it seems to have liberated my ability to ENJOY what I’m experiencing and be grateful for it.”
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He added: “How will tonight’s show be ? How fascinating to find out.
“38,000 Osaka QAL Fans will soon be able to tell me !! Love ya’ll. Bri.”
At Queen and Adam Lambert’s Sunday performance in Tokyo, May spoke of struggling with anger and hurt before the show, before he turned all that negative energy into something positive.
He wrote: “For reasons beyond what I can explain, I had a flood of anger and hurt in my body - so much that I had to reach further for the essence of what I do on stage in front of 30,000 good souls.”
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The Queen guitarist added: “And it gave me joy, and belief in myself flowed in my veins.
“It was not perfect. Perfection is never what it’s about. It was about bursting through the wall and finding freedom and light.
“And JOY. So, for my virtual live bootleg album collection album I’ll probably take tonight whole.
“To feel that amount of power in my body and soul was breathtaking. Thanks for being there, folks. Always. Bri. X”
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May’s struggles appear to stem from living with depression, having written before Christmas: “Most of this Christmas period I haven’t wanted to show my face because my face was grim.
“There’s something about this time of the year that paralyses me. Depression, hopelessness, fear ... I get engulfed.
"Is it logical? No. Should I be grateful for my life and therefore NOT depressed? Yes.
“But none of that makes any difference when you look up and the colours have gone out of the world.”
Following tonight’s show in Osaka, Queen and Adam Lambert will perform at the Nagoya Dome on Thursday.
The collaboration will then fly to New Zealand for three shows in early February, before heading on to Australia.
Queen and Adam Lambert have seven concerts Down Under, plus a charity gig set for the wildfires planned.
While they’ll hit London’s O2 for 10 days and Manchester Arena for two in June.