Ant and Dec save the day as we return to jungle warfare
IT IS THE run-up to Christmas so it is time to celebrate with the traditional pre-festive diet of Wichetty grubs and kangaroo’s unmentionables.
Yes, it is the return of I’m A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! (ITV, every day), and after 13 years of pouring cockroaches into the underwear of the stars, the show began with a new format of selecting two teams to play against each other.
Team leaders Tony Hadley (out of Spandau Ballet) and fashionista Susannah Constantine had to buzz in to choose members from video clips; Susannah chose boxer Chris Eubank seconds in, merely from his cowboy boots; Hadley did not choose Lady Colin Campbell because she did not want to get in a coffin; Susannah declined because “I thought it was Lord Colin Campbell from the voice and I didn’t want another man”.
Whoops. I thought Dec would explode. (Lady Colin was brought up as a boy due to a physical deformation, although she is of course physically female. This one will run and run).
The celebrities went into the jungle, Eubank leaving behind the tweed jacket he arrived in but Lady C taking her pearl necklace and Duncan Bannatyne his OBE, which appears on his name on the credits at the start of the show.
It is all a bit like David Blaine but with more larvae
As if it will make any difference when he is knee deep in mud and rats. The competitive element of red against yellow teams was a clever idea in a world where long-running shows are running out of steam and viewers, drawing in TV watchers with spectacular stunts such as contestants hanging in brightly-lit cages in the jungle and being dosed with creepy crawlies.
It is all a bit like David Blaine but with more larvae. Another big win was to have a crew of genuinely likeable celebrities who have a track record of achievements.
Tony Hadley is like an old-fashioned father and I really warmed to choreographer Brian Friedman and Most Haunted host Yvette Fielding.
This was of course ruined for Pollyannas like myself by the arrival of reality show nonentities Spencer Matthews (who admittedly did not hang around for long), Ferne McCann and Vicky Pattison, although Lady Colin Campbell was behaving like a spoilt brat from Made In Chelsea by day two.
The real talent, though, is hosts Ant and Dec, who make it all look as if they have been doing it for more than 20 years... mainly because they have.
I'm A Celebrity is a FIX! Viewers spy crabs with their claws taped up during trial
Tuesday saw the end of River (BBC1), the Scandi-style police drama that was at times incredibly hard to love because of its dark nature and the propensity for DI John River to see his dead partner Stevie (Nicola Walker), a Victorian murderer (Eddie Marsan) and various other people who are not there; his mental problems and his difficult nature made me want to give up after episode two.
Yet I persevered, as Stellan Skarsgård’s beautiful performance as River made him one of the most compelling and complex characters I have seen for a very long time.
Underneath that difficult façade was a man who wanted to love and be loved, which is why he was so shaken by the murder of Stevie, whom he had fallen for deeply.
He wrapped up her murder case, discovering she had been killed by the man River had always assumed to be her younger brother, but was in fact, her son.
A corking ending to the case, but it was the final scene that made me cry, with River holding the baby son of his sympathetic new sidekick, Ira (a big-hearted Adeel Akhtar), and having a great time.
It was a joy to witness happiness in the life of this troubled man, and Skarsgård’s skill in making River an ultimately loveable character was masterful.
Fans of pure Scandi noir rejoiced as The Bridge returned to BBC Four last night. The Swedish/Danish detective duo of Saga and Martin were unable to appear, due to Saga having dobbed in Martin to the police for killing his son’s murderer at the end of the last series, and him serving 10 years in prison.
No wonder nobody was queuing up to work with Saga the detective, for being on the autistic spectrum is a blessing and a curse. On a gruesome case involving the murder of an LGBT rights campaigner, found in a bizarre setting, Saga was eventually paired with Danish lady detective Hanne, thus keeping the twocountries theme alive.
The big question is: will viewers miss Martin? For me, the answer is simple – no.
Although his son’s murder and the aftermath provided two gripping series, seeing Sofia Helin’s Saga having to make her way in the world without the man who taught her so much is as gripping as the twisted and subtle plotting.
Finally, in Tuesday’s Doctor In Your House (Channel 4), a doctor moved into a family home to check out the health and lifestyle of the people who live there, whilst in Doctor In The House (BBC1, Thursday), a doctor moved into a family home to check out the health and the lifestyle of the people who live there.
This is not a misprint, it was essentially the same programme, in which families were told they eat badly, don’t take enough exercise and drink too much.
Next week, Is The Pope Catholic?, where two theologians move into the Vatican to discover the Pope’s religious leanings, and perhaps Ant and Dec host an outdoorsy show on whether bears leave a mess in the woods.