THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST
HAVING weighed up several key factors – and, OK, being a bit of a Eurovision sad case (as underlined by the scary level of expertise I display on pages 18 and 19) – I actually think we could do really well in Moscow tonight.
Seriously. Not only do we have a fine vocalist in Jade Ewen, plus a belter of a song, It’s My Time (whose composer, Lord Andrew Lloyd Webber, will be up there playing the piano, so the rest of Europe can go, “Ooh, blimey, they ARE taking it seriously this year”) but we’re also performing near the end (which helps) and under a new system where the decision no longer entirely boils down to phone votes from politically motivated Euro-numpties.
Oh, and Graham Norton’s the new Wogan.
All in all, what could possibly go wrong . . ?