Britain needs a political giant right now and we are being served pygmies

Halfway through the Prime Minister’s televised launch of the new Tory manifesto today the Beeb inexplicably cut the feed to all BBC2 viewers.

The lucky buggers.

Most had probably already slipped into coma anyway, teeth-grindingly tedious as it was, but just to bring them up to speed, here’s what they missed: Rishi telling us all the stuff the Tories have signally failed to do over the last decade and a half they are definitely going to do come July 5th.

If you’ll only vote for them.

Honest.

So the mixed bag of nonsense claims and lukewarm ideas jostled for centre stage with the occasional decent policy.

• Halving migration;
• Apprenticeships instead of Mickey Mouse degrees;
• Rishi’s unconvincing “voluntary” National Service;
• 2p off National Insurance - the THIRD time he’s done that… one day we’ll care, promise;
• An end to costly eco-zealotry, erm, which the Tories seemed to have introduced;
• Maybe, just maybe, leaving the European Court of Human Rights;
• Tax cuts for the self-employed;
• Tackling the explosion of Britain’s newest social strata - the non-working class;
• More defence spending;
• Safe spaces for women - the old-fashioned kind, those without a penis;

All this and more, interlaced with slap-downs for Russia, China, and North Korea. Oh and Keir Stamer and his crazy tax-hiking Labour gang.

A curious swipe this, from the party which has saddled us with the highest tax rises for generations - and I know we have Covid and Ukraine partly to blame, but still you might want to steer away from focusing on taxes Rishi, it’s not really cutting through.

Anyway, take your pick from that lot, you might even like some of it, but there’s always that huge, huge question hanging in the air isn’t there… you’ve had 14 years and five Prime Ministers, if it’s do-able why haven’t you done it already?

And yes the Tories have built quite a lot of houses, employment is up and inflation coming down, but it all smells of too little too late to the rank and file, I suspect.

Anyway, for the purposes of this election, to the man/woman/non-binary on the Clapham omnibus Rishi, I’m afraid is forever the man who dipped out of the commemorations for the 80th anniversary of the liberation of Europe from the jackboot of fascism, for some crappy ITV interview no-one will ever watch. The imbecilic stupidity of which never quite stops leaving you properly aghast does it?

It is ironic, is it not, that thousands of impossibly courageous young British men gave their lives on the beaches of Normandy largely so we could have General Elections.

But watching the current crop of politicians - on all sides - posture and accuse and embarrass themselves as our country withers on the vine, it does make you wonder…

And no, I don’t mean makes you wonder like Reform’s Nazi fanboy Ian Gribbin who thinks we should have sided with Hitler, but y’know, just wonder a bit if we deserved those young soldiers’ sacrifice.

We’ve let them down a bit haven’t we?

It’s far too late for Rishi to sack his advisers and appoint competent ones of course, but I have a better, smarter, idea for the PM.

Keep your advisers on but do the polar opposite of whatever nincompoop idea they come up with.

That way you might, just might, not be the man who destroyed the Tory Party forever.

Oh you’ll lose the election… that much is guaranteed, but you might not disgrace and shame the party of Burke, Carlyle, Peel, Disraeli and Churchill.

And doesn’t Rishi look like a political imp compared to that lot?

God knows we need a giant right now and we are being served pygmies on all sides.